The Frightened And The Ignorant: A Pyscho-Analytical Analysis Towards BJ Patino's Apo On The Wall

"Apo On The Wall" seemed to be a poem about the impact of war.

At first glance, the poem was about a child narrating of how strict his father was of not allowing his child to be in his office. So, with the description such as "green uniform", "colored breasted plates", and rifles and such, it pretty much gave away that his father served - or is still serving - the military. Of course, the first thing that came to me was that the main theme was war. However, the ending threw a curveball.

The Curveball

Sure, Apo was the first focus of the poem, until it transferred to how the child saw his father, but Apo kind of faded in the middle. On my first read, I didn't exactly pay attention to Apo, for all I cared, I thought it was a filler, until the ending got super creepy. It made me confused because why would the author end it there. Plus, the author didn't really reveal obvious points that could pinpoint to who he was referring to. So I did my research and my oh my was it gobsmacking.

Who the heckie is Apo?

Based from the first search I found from Google, which was also an analysis towards this poem, Apo is... (drum roll)

This guy.

Yep, Apo is Ferdinand Marcos in the poem. And it makes total sense. For one, as I'm typing this while I'm simultaneously researching about it, Ferdinand Marcos' nickname back then, although not nationally known, was Apo Lakay, a nickname given by his Ilocano supporters. And whenever you hear his name, there's always this word that pops up that will forever be associated with him: the Martial Law.

Apparently, it's not a poem about war.

The poem is literally the embodiment of how the Filipinos felt back then under the Martial Law: no freedom. We were always under surveillance, we were restricted from a lot of things, and we couldn't do anything under this dictatorship. The father is/was serving the government since he has a portrait of Ferdinand Marcos or Apo up on his wall so "to make sure he's snappy", as if he's always on his guard. Although the father didn't really show any other emotions aside from being stern, this situation could go both ways: either he completely respected his boss to the point that he literally put up a portrait as if he's making a shrine, or he's afraid of his boss. 

The child is literally what almost every Filipino was experiencing in this era. And the fact that the child described him as a "scary Jesus", Jesus, the Biblical figure who is 100% man and 100% God, and being God meaning being all-knowing, makes Apo all-knowing. He was that powerful. He was that scary. 

Analysis Time!

Now we've got those covered, I focused on the symbolism and attempted to dig deeper. So, with my initial instincts, I searched up the author's biography. Patino was born in 1927 and died in 1988, which has the timeframe when the Martial Law began and ended. The Martial Law started on 7:17 P.M. of September 23, 1972 and ended on February 25, 1986, two years before his death. And with deductions and evidences, I firmly believe that this poem was created in the middle or right after the Martial Law.

I decided to use Pyscho-Analytical Theory as I thought of a theory and, it's a reach, but what if the father and the child symbolizes the generation who experienced Martial Law and the generation after that?

Asides from the "I know what you're doing" and all that fear and stuff, I looked at the possibility for this symbolism. The father knows well of his boss, considering that he is his boss after all, so of course he'd experienced everything first-hand. The narrator (the child) doesn't really particularly know who Apo is except that he's his father's boss. But he does know that he's being watched. Or, at least, has that knowledge that Apo watches. And he feels that he's scary. And without acknowledging a piece of information first, you wouldn't really feel something towards it, right? Or even used a few minutes of your life thinking or discussing about it.

So, what if the father symbolizes the Filipinos who lived through these times? And the child would be us, mostly Generation Z. As mentioned earlier, I noticed that the father wasn't showing any emotions asides from being robotic and "snappy" at the child when he went and snooped around in the office. So he could either be a man of respect or a man filled with fear.

As for the child, here's how it starts: we only know what Marcos did through textbooks and accounts, and mayhaps we lack complete knowledge about it because we weren't there to see both sides of the coin. But either way, to experience it first-hand would make the view on it drastically change. But almost everyone know that those times were, in fact, scary. So, what if that's what Patino also wanted to convey? That because of this event, it will forever affect the past, the present that time, and the future. Because of how the Martial Law went very, very downhill, the Filipinos reacted violently when President Duterte announced Martial Law in Mindanao when there was a terrorist attack. That because of what Marcos did, fear is instilled us, that it may happen again. That even us, the children, who should not be afraid, can't help but be afraid.

The Conclusion

The poem is brilliant. It's a testimony. It may not be as explicit as the other accounts, but seeing how he used a child and how he used these simple yet very effective words - it made a huge impact. It's soul-crushing. And I do believe that he used these sets of words from how he felt but with a vocabulary of a child's. Plus, because of how the author didn't really reveal details about these characters, it's interesting of how people from this generation and that generation would initially react when reading it the first time. I, for one, didn't think it was about Martial Law on my first read at all, making me the "child" of the story. I bet it'll be the opposite when someone who experienced through all of that reads it.

"But I Have Another Duty, and that Duty Is To My Heart"

   Has anyone heard of this before? I bet we've all encountered this at some point in our life. You may have read it from a cheesy quote you saw on Facebook or have crossed upon a hipster-looking Instagram bio, or you may have heard it from a film. Ever heard of Mulan? Exactly; this quote comes from a badass warrior that is literally based on Mulan, true badass-ery that took shape, fought the odds and made history like the badass she is. While we're on that topic, let's recollect the movie for a bit.

   Mulan was only 16 when everything happened. She had always been told and taught on how to be a fine, young woman whose purpose was only to be in the house and serve her husband at all times. With this, she grew up thinking this was the norm, her destiny, but she was different and that depressed her, especially when she failed the bride test. As she tried to fit in, she could not help but feel a weight on her chest. Her heart banging and shaking her ribs as her mind tried to lecture her. The weight was even insurmountable when she found out that her old, weak father was ordered to serve the army once again. Everyone present in that era would think that a perfect daughter would simply obey to stay at home and it would be absolutely bonkers for any female to do anything other than what they were told to and to be anything than what they were expected to--- it was deemed suicidal. But alas, she chose the suicide; she took her father's place (without leaving any information!) under the disguise of being a man. And so came the sequence of events.

   Where did she end up? My friend, she ended up in total happiness. Bonus the whole saving China.

   While Mulan taught us feminism, she also taught us a more valuable lesson: following your heart.

   She knew that becoming a good wife would be right, but would it feel right? Would she feel right letting her fragile loved one serve the army while she stayed at home, knowing she was perfectly capable? Her mind must have asked her heart, "Do you not think that your father would die a happy man when he sees you blossoming to a woman?" to which her heart must have replied, "What is the point of my father waiting for death to become happy when I could create happy memories with him instead?" Or perhaps that one time when she volunteered to marry the prince instead, taking the place of the three princesses? Her mind must have said, "What are you doing! You were only tasked to escort the three princesses!" to which her heart must have answered, "The princesses deserve their freedom."

   "And you don't?"

   "I am also doing this to be freed from the guilt if the princesses were to marry him and have enslaved lives."

   A total paradox, the heart is. But still, Mulan chose everything out from her heart, not from her mind. She could not explain it neither could her heart, but it felt so right. There were definite times where she fell because of the decision she chose, but she has never regretted anything.

   In a simpler situation, imagine you’re about to walk your way home when it suddenly starts to pour. You’ve always loved the rain, your heart thumps for the rain and how it pitter patters onto you, yet your mind argues that you should not for you might get sick. If I were to choose, I’d go ahead with the rain. It’d be a stupid decision, but I’d be happy. Same goes when you’re helping someone out despite of how it’ll make you late.

   The moral of this is: our heart is one crazy bastard. It desires something usually without rationality. The mind and heart constantly bicker and averse one another. One restricts feelings while the other lacks reasoning. Nonetheless, we have the right to choose which to follow. It's not being implied that we should now disregard what the mind is trying to tell us; it cares for us too. But in all honesty, who follow their hearts nowadays? Our society's expectations might have been injected in our minds, hence, we rarely follow our whacky hearts anymore. But life is too short to not listen to the heart. Do not be afraid of getting hurt for no matter what we will do, we will get hurt; it's how life is. So why not listen to the beat of our hearts?